Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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