I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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