gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
