shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
pray to the hookup gods
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
