OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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