I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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