yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
