i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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