how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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