Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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