WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
