That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
