remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
