It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
