doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
