She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
