just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
