just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
