any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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