my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
