Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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