thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
