I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
