Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
