Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
