I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
