Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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