I just made out with a guy for $7.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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