we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
