I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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