I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
