OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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