god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
