Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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