Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
