Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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