is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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