I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
