I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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