I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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