I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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