I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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