I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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