Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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