The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
