This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
