In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
