And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
