tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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