if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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