herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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