the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want a musical about memes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
