Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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