Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
