I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
