That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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