you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
