i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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