you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
