i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
