Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
