Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
