I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
