i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
