Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
