Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
