Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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