No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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