I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
