he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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