Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My first STD was from a foam party
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
