dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
