Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
