i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
